Your vampire and our blood that feeds me
I know you are a good girl
And I am your volatile vampire...
That lives in a strange swirl,
Of feelings forming a last empire.
But my heart is frozen and alone,
Just a cold piece of metal...
That is hard-hearted stone,
A strange flower without a petal...
I ask myself if I am still alive,
Cause my vessels are deep blue...
And my muscles for movement they strive,
For you and your eyes that are true...
I am just tired to sing alone everywere,
Under the light of the moon,
Spreading my wings to nowere,
Without running away from the doom...
NOTE: poem inspired in "O teu vampiro e o nosso sangue que me alimenta" (in Portuguese)
O teu vampiro e o nosso sangue que me alimenta
Eu sou o teu voluptuoso Vampiro
E bebo o teu amor vermelho para viver.
Mas, de ti, apenas arranco um suspiro,
Como o "sim" que tens medo de dizer.
E vivo apenas de noite, sozinho,
À luz de uma triste e singela vela...
Sempre sedento do teu carinho,
Fugindo da luz diurna que revela...
Só que este Natal quero ir-me,
Em pedaços felizes e livres pelo mundo...
Por capilaridade microscópica ferir-me,
No longe deste planeta imundo...
E assim ser o teu horizonte de calor,
Feito do avermelhado do teu sangue.
Converter-me no nosso enlevado ardor,
No toque da tua mão que me afague...
O nosso Natal em todo o seu explendor.
Our Christmas with all his enchantment.
No school, no rules.
Não há escola, não há regras.
The trip to return home seemed more quick than usual, I was already dizzy with that experience… not even the fresh wind, more mild than it could be expected, made me forget everything. The starry sky was also unable to distract me. But, when I arrived home and saw my little Strawberry playing with the sculpture of Nativity, trying to fix the donkey, already without head, I was happy. She asked me for forgiveness:
— Forgive me uncle! — and that clearly made me forget everything. That small girl was incredible!
* * * An Apparition * * *
After tucking in Leonor I also went to my bed. It was essential to sleep. I had to rest well enough to prepare myself for the trip and to be able to support Madalena on everything that could be necessary. It was thinking about how I would find her that I fell asleep.
I woke up early in the morning. My sister and my mother were astonished when they saw me prepared so soon. I just took the essential time to arrange my luggage, said goodbye to everyone and went to catch Raquel, who was already waiting for me. After saying goodbye to her parents we left.
The trip was pleasant and we saw the Christmas lights in many villages and tried to talk about many subjects. Our anxiety did not completely vanish and we did not let the fear overcome us.
We arrived just in time to have lunch. Madalena's colleagues had already prepared our meal and welcomed us. Although Madalena was very pale and still in the bed, she smiled at us and just said:
— Finally you arrived!
I almost couldn't hold my tears when I saw her. But I controlled myself, and without thinking we repeated that kiss we had at the river. It was a special moment, as if the world did not exist and sickness was not threatening our happiness.
— Please, do not forget me!
Said Raquel, moved by the reunion with her sister. During the afternoon we gave her presents… those we usually give to sick people to cheer them up. The dinner was very funny and the table was covered with cakes. A friend of Madalena also gave her a surprise present: a box with a yellow rose inside it. I was astonished with that surprise: it was a rose just like that I saw at Mont'Alto. But I felt lost, when during the conversation, I knew that Madalena's mother had called her early in the morning, and among several news, one was the enormous light people had seen on the night before at Mont'Alto, and the car crash resulting from that.
After all I wasn't the only person to have seen the phenomena, it was real... Then, I become completely chilled and squeezed her hand with all my strength: her heat calmed down my fear, but I remained silent.
All three of us returned on the 19th of December. Unfortunately, Madalena didn't fight the sickness and died one day later. I was confused and without reaction, I was fearing the collapse of my being, but I decided to resist. Little Strawberry used to ask:
— Uncle, where did Madalena go?
And I used to answer with confidence on my face:
— She went to heaven. To Jesus.
* * * Christmas Eve * * *
The following days were with family and we spent much time at Madalena's home. Thanks God, it was possible to have holidays in advance, because I wasn’t in conditions to work. I felt that everything was finished before time: both Christmas and my relationship with Madalena. I was confused with the cruelty of life and all of us became anxious wishing the days to pass quickly. Sometimes, in these circumstances, we find support in the most unexpected people. My surprise came from the reaction of Raquel, her mother and their colleagues of school. I could not imagine that all those persons had the clear understanding of how important Madalena was to me.
Christmas Eve arrived as an obstacle to avoid, we couldn't ignore that, and neither made any cakes nor gave presents to each other at Madalena's home. We went to bed as soon as possible. It was a night very different from other years, without any joy.
The Christmas Day was also very sad. Only the sun, with his heat beams, seemed to help us avoid this pain. I couldn't support much more, I had to do something that could help me to put behind the irrational guilt I was feeling, because I was not able to save Madalena.
During the afternoon, after breathing some fresh air while I was going for a walk on my neighbourhood I decided to return to Mont'Alto, that night. As I didn't want to go alone I invited Raquel. My objective was to verify if I could see something at the enchanted fountain. What I had seen was a premonitory vision of the future. After all, places like that always fascinated me and it was possible that if I found calm again I would feel better.
About 10 p.m., there I was waiting for Raquel. She appeared 15 minutes after because she had been talking with her parents. Little time after, and indifferent to the cold wind, I continued to gain speed while driving the motorbike, through mountains and valleys, while Raquel was holding on close to me, from the fear of falling. Nevertheless, her head near on back was as if seeking something more than comfort and shelter. It was then that I remembered our talk when we went shopping. I lost some speed and continued more slowly to the top of the mountain.
When we arrived I felt strangely... comforted. I was not alone and returning to that place where I was the night before the death of Madalena, made me feel the hope I was feeling then. But I had to admit: it had all been in vain. I looked around and I held Raquels hand firmly, like an anchor.
— Come, lets sit near that fountain. — I said calmly.
— Do you know this is an enchanted fountain? — I asked, explaining her that I had had a vision that was seen at a far, as a big light.
— No. I didn't! How funny!
Then I told what had happened to me, she got scared and held on to me. It was then that I cried, for the first time since Madalena's death.
— That’s okay just let it out... Cry... Its good for you... — Raquel said, as someone comforting a child.
— We should stay together forever... that’s what I wanted… — She begged.
— Of course we will. And Madalena will always be in our hearts. — I told her, as someone who tries to conciliate feelings with reality. Our kiss was deep, from whom also wants to seal a compromise.
It was then that a cold wind rose up, the same that I had felt when I saw the light phenomena. We were still holding each other when… Suddenly, a soft light embraced us and also the fountain and small shining pieces of something unknown started to fall from heaven. A woman appeared in the veranda, above the fountain, dressed like a medieval Princess… and said to us:
— Only you can see this Christmas light. Do not be afraid… Madalena is well. Be happy.
And after saying this she looked at us a few more moments and vanished. Instead of feeling fear we got warm with joy, full of happiness.
That night was a landmark for us forever. We asked many people if they had seen some light at the mountain, but nobody saw anything. Only we had seen it… and we kept inside of a small box, our secret, in the shape of small shiny pieces that we caught on that night, but, on the next day, when we returned there, there was nothing!
And just as a fairy tale, we were happy forever. And from our love two small strawberries were born and when we heard Christmas songs, more than ever, we felt that Madalena was living in our hearts.
Desejo a todos um Santo e Feliz Natal, na companhia de família e todos os que
vos preenchem a vida. :-)
I which a Merry Christmas to everyone, together with family and friends! :-)
A painting I've made/Um quadro que eu pintei:
Christmas in Lisbon/O Natal em Lisboa.
Please leave a comment! Por favor deixem um comentário!
For sale at: Grandes Armazéns do El Corte Inglés (Lisboa - Lisbon)
and CPI Book Delivery (romances - "Tales for The Ones in Love")
About the 100 years of the University of Lisbon.
Sobre os 100 anos da Universidade de Lisboa.
In this photo (2010) we can see some Christmas lighting that are just pieces of paper and
a painting about the NATO summit (contesting it). The author of this blog is in favour of piece but also
in favour of the military defence because, sometimes we have problems... even if we don't want to have them.
See you soon! Enjoy Christmas!
Finally, the day before the trip to town: 18 of December. After a
day hearing that man screaming — Incompetents! — at the office, at
everyone, without exception, the end of the working day was like a
liberation. When I arrived home, seeing Raquel and my mother baking
cakes was like a Christmas Eve before time. After all the Christmas spirit
is the family together and because all that situation appeared to have that
purpose, I could say that was the feeling.
Took my motorbike to the Church of Mont'Alto and when I
returned I stopped near the fountain to drink water. The water was going
very clear and cold on the palm of my hand and I was feeling a cold wind
from the mountain, that was coming from the gloomy valleys that were
surrounding the mountain… but, suddenly, I saw a reflex on the water.
— Such an enormous reflex, what could it be?!
I looked above and saw an image that I hardly understood what it
was and I ran to far away, so I could look from a safety distance...
— My God, there it is that image... I must be very sick! I must
walk slowly until I reach the motorbike and make a safe trip back home,
shouldn't I fall on the way… — I thought and that was what I've done,
but, seeing from a bigger distance it was a clear image … it was
Madalena, laying on a bed, with her arm stretched and a flower on her
— Am I insane? ... this situation is making me very sick! — I
rubbed my eyes and looked again… and the image had gone away. After
all, everything can be explained by the lack of sleep! As the motorbike
was right next the fountain, I went there and when I was going away, near
the main entrance, I noticed that there was a yellow rose left on the bank
of the fountain… I picked it up and took it with me to give to little
strawberry… It was explained, why I'd seen a rose during my
The 15 of December, was a day of ice and storm, there was a white mantle of hail on the abandoned fields. As scheduled I should go for shopping with Raquel and then go on trip. She should be in the nearest shelter and waiting for me, but as the storm broke, she got cold when I arrived at 6h45 a.m. I lent her my coat she covered herself with it and gave me a kiss on my lips to thank… — Raquel, what's going on?! You know that we shouldn't be
The 15 of December, was a day of ice and storm, there was a
white mantle of hail on the abandoned fields. As scheduled I should go
for shopping with Raquel and then go on trip. She should be in the
nearest shelter and waiting for me, but as the storm broke, she got cold
when I arrived at 6h45 a.m. I lent her my coat she covered herself with it
and gave me a kiss on my lips to thank…
— Raquel, what's going on?! You know that we shouldn't be
— I know that, but... I really do not understand why you can't see me with other eyes. I'm not so different form my sister and also wait for you. — But you did have an affair a little time ago?! — It was just an adventure. I was alone and wanted you to notice me. — I don't know what to say. I'm happy to receive such attention from you. But, as you know I feel something special for Madalena. We feel a great complicity and bond between us. Please try to understand and accept this. — I understand... can we go?! — We did not say a word until we arrived near the village. Rain fell down all the way. It was like we were separated from the rest of the world, I had to drive slowly. When we arrived, the rain stopped, just like an invitation to go for a walk. We spent all morning going around and buying some food and Christmas presents for our little sick girls, certainly we would also buy some gifts for little strawberry. The smell of the traditional Christmas cakes and fritters made us order two cakes and so we had to wait until the end of the afternoon. At night fall the lights on the shop-window and the busy Xmas whirl in
— I know that, but... I really do not understand why you can't see
me with other eyes. I'm not so different form my sister and also wait for
— But you did have an affair a little time ago?!
— It was just an adventure. I was alone and wanted you to notice
— I don't know what to say. I'm happy to receive such attention
from you. But, as you know I feel something special for Madalena. We
feel a great complicity and bond between us. Please try to understand and
— I understand... can we go?! — We did not say a word until we
arrived near the village. Rain fell down all the way. It was like we were
separated from the rest of the world, I had to drive slowly. When we
arrived, the rain stopped, just like an invitation to go for a walk. We spent
all morning going around and buying some food and Christmas presents
for our little sick girls, certainly we would also buy some gifts for little
strawberry. The smell of the traditional Christmas cakes and fritters made
us order two cakes and so we had to wait until the end of the afternoon.
At night fall the lights on the shop-window and the busy Xmas whirl in
the streets, created another Christmas feeling.
* * * The Christmas Spirit * * *
Those colours made more real the Christmas spirit. There was a
group of colours that made us feel peace and joy. We returned just after
seeing the shop-window of candies and gave a look at the small shopping
mall of the village. When I arrived home Leonor asked me to tell to baby
Jesus Christ to bring a doll and that she could be bought in town. — Well,
— I thought — it could be everywhere but it has to be bought in town.
This child desire means that she is getting better! — and answered: — Of
course! — It was then that I noticed that the roseate colours of small
strawberry had already returned to her cheeks, which was good! This
contentment made me fall asleep soon and the night went by like the
blink of an eye.